Today was one of the hardest days of my life. I had to make the decision to let my sweet Maximus be relieved of his pain and suffering and make his passage to doggy heaven. The blog about Max's story can be found here. Short story is he was diagnosed last May with a brain tumor. We didn't know how fast or slow the progression would be, how long the tumor had been present, or when Maxie would show symptoms. We knew what to look for, though, and that was paralysis in one side of his body that would interfere with eating and moving. Less than a month ago, we started noticing Max seemed slightly handicapped when he walked and he started having full body jerks. The past two weeks when we were in Corner, every day he got a little more off balance and needed softer foods to chew and swallow. We got him soft food and made special accommodations to keep him from jumping off furniture. Just in those short two weeks, he could no longer jump on the bed, eat hard food, or jump off the couch without stumbling. He, then, began falling off of furniture because he would get so off-balance. We brought him back to Dothan on Sunday night, and he dramatically declined by the minute. Sunday night, he ate a bowl of food. His balance was much worse and he was falling off of everything he got on. Monday morning he was very lethargic and starting yelping in pain whenever he was touched. He would not go outside nor eat or drink at all. Last night, we put him in the bed with us and he threw up and had spells of panting then spells of uncontrollable shaking all over his entire body. This morning he would not move, when he did finally come out of the bed he only wanted to lay on the memory foam bathmats. He was very disoriented and didn't know who we were or where he was. Then, he disappeared and I could not find him anywhere. He had gone into the guest bedroom and got under the bed and curled up in a ball- I suppose to pass on without hindering the rest of us. My heart was completely broken. We had already decided we would have to take Max to the vet tomorrow morning and mom was coming to help me along with that journey. When she got down here today, Max was in such bad shape we couldn't make him wait through another night and we had to bite the bullet and let our sweet boy pass on. He was miserable and only suffering, I couldn't be selfish and keep him here just to have him.
Goodness, I miss him like crazy and cant imagine this life without him. He took a giant piece of my heart to heaven with him. I sure hope that sweet boy is chasing all of heaven's squirrels and laying in sunshine all day long. I just wish he was still here with me, I keep thinking I'm going to walk in a room and he will be poking his head out from the bedsheets or wanting a belly rub. I don't know when it will sink in that it's not happening. I was able to hold his sweet face as he drifted off and mine was the last face he saw, that is how I wanted it. He was so peaceful and no longer in pain.
Now the rest of us are heart broken, and poor BoJackson is just lost without his big brother. He will be buried in the country in his bed and blanket and with his favorite snowman toy- he always loved the country and gets to be there forever now.
For now, goodbye my sweet angel. Thank you for showing me unconditional love, being my best friend and confidant, and teaching me how to be a selfless mom. You were such a blessing to my life and will always be my first baby :) I love you, sweet boy!
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